Realizing happiness in service

 

Hare Krishna,

images

Dandavat Pranams. Pls accept my humble obeisances.

To be honest, I have no qualification and with Giriraj Prabhuji setting such high standards that I almost feel ashamed and shy in penning my realizations…When you have Gold bullion, the value of 500 Rs note is insignificant…however I am still writing per instructions from my dear friend HG Giriraj Prabhu for whom I have very high respect and undoubtedly inexplicable love…

It is all due to causeless mercy of my Guru that he asked me to accompany him as his servant in USA. I reached here on 21st Nov 2014 with him and were staying with a family in New York. First day, I had practically nothing to do other than listening to his Golden words. On 22nd, I started feeling the itch. I had a comfortable sleep, nice prasadam, books to read but there was still an itch.

I went to Guru Maharaj and asked if anything needs to be done. He gave me some of his clothes to be ironed….I was over the moon. Couldn’t help inhaling the smell quickly. It took me an hour and I gave him back. I was rejuvenated. But after few hrs, the itch came back! I knew if I go to him, he would kick me out. So I asked the devotee cooking for him if there is anything I could do to help him. He knew by previous conversation I am ZERO in cooking, so he asked me to just throw the garbage downstairs and clean the bin….again I felt so nice….but in few hrs the itch came back – the itch to SERVE!

I then sat in solitude and started thinking why this itch never came for my parents, brothers, wife and family. I would never want to iron their clothes or throw garbage and more so ever clean it. I am too aristocratic for that. How come for the ones who have reared me, who gave me birth, whom I played with, I have no inclination to do any work leave aside menial ones. Infact my parents have started complaining that they wish if I could serve them similarly, they would also bless me – infact bless me even for trying, leave aside perfecting the service…If my parents would chastise, I would judge whether I really went wrong and answer them accordingly. I would not talk to my elder brother for days if I think he was unfair to me. And here I am – itching to serve, virtually anything and ready to take chastisement and learn from it…I have no problem in owning up that I am a fool and not be judgemental why I was chastised – rather say and feel sorry for troubling my spiritual master. Why so much insensitivity to my parents and other family relationships?

I realized with my parents and others, I had always felt I am the enjoyer. I am used to the fact that my mom and dad would do what makes me happy and once I am satisfied, I would not bother about them till my next desire come..how selfish of me..I would fret when my wife would want me to do A,B and C but it would be delight when she would massage my feet when I am tired…I was trying to be the master all the time and I didn’t want to be their servant as I felt even their love was based on reciprocal basis.

Based on my understanding from Srila Prabhupad books, it then dawned to me why I am enjoying the itch to serve. Our constitutional position is that we are the servant of the lord and we can derive true happiness only by serving HIM and his devotees. In material world we may enjoy being PM or president of the country or organization but it still agitates our mind as the quest for greed, fame etc keeps increasing. But when we do things that is our constitutional position, we are fully satisfied. The fish will eventually be happy in water, if u make fish the queen of the jungle, she may revel for sometime but her natural constitution is to roam around in water. It reminded me of wonderful pastime of King Prataparudra who was trying to get attention of Mahaprabhu. Though he was king, he sweeped the floor with Golden broom before Jagannath Rath Yatra and he felt extreme delight in massaging Lord’s feet. He came to following conclusion: We are kings or sweepers temporarily. Our permanent and exalted position is as humble servants of Krishna. So here I was enjoying the service of pure devotee and no wonder I was asking more. Srila Prabhupad has written this many places, I have heard and read umpteenth number of times but the realization dawned first time that I am servant of the servant of the servant of the Lord’s devotees. This is pure joy…

I was in pure ecstasy and went to Guru Maharaj and shared my realization. He beamed and was happy. He said once we understand this, next stage is we are not body and then complete surrender and then attachment with the Lord…It kind of scared me – should I be calling my wife and parents in few months and say goodbye? what if they say no? Do I really owe my parents anything? Guru Maharaj reading my thoughts, said: as a grahstha we have some responsibilities. Once parent knows what is good for the child, he tries and makes all efforts to give the same to his son and daughter. If you have understood where is the real happiness, then as a son it is your responsibility to make all efforts and getyour parents and family this taste. I protested my mom hasn’t changed in last 18 yrs despite my father’s and brother’s efforts. He responded you didn’t come to Krishna Conscious despite best efforts of your brother. He said it is important that we help others when we realize something so that their spiritual quotient also increases – this is real compassion. Whether they change or not is upto their free will but you have to give your mercy. He then also clarified – Try means really try your best as if you are giving engg exam.

I felt so wonderful with this realization…Guru Maharaj had  guided me long time back that you can learn lofty philosophy, become wonderful preacher but it has no value if our basics, our heart doesn’t change which happens by self realization and then our preaching becomes effective. Be humble, tolerant, compassionate, service is the key, we are not body and surrender are stepping stones. Self realization should lead to implementation..and perfection of the same is sadhana. I understood I need to serve my spiritual master, my devotee friends and all other knownships and acquaintance. I understood I need to serve my parents with similar intensity only the goal changes – “I would want them to become servant of my Lord as well….because more the servants, more happiness we can give to our master. So I will serve them and I will try or even beg they serve Srila Prabhupad messengers diligently which shall delight the Lord and their soul just like the way I felt. While serving, our own pain is not felt – happiness will help them to overcome bodily pain and misconception that they are body.

I don’t know if you all can relate to my realizations – If you cant, then I request just serve senior devotees in your area or your spiritual master exclusively (take few days break and serve HIM and see if you get the taste of service….if you try this few times – 5-6 times after developing relationship with that person, I am confident you will get it.)

I am very fallen and hope by getting your service I can become one of the members of your flock of birds soaring in spiritual realm under guidance of exalted devotees.

 

Thanking you again for giving me the opportunity to serve you

 

Very fallen servant,

Shyam Sunder Krishna Das

Falling in love.. again and again…

Hare Krishna.

14 Nov, 2014. Gurgaon.

jaya jaya śrī-caitanya svayaṁ bhagavān
jaya jaya gauracandra bhakta-gaṇa-prāṇa

(All glories to Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, the Supreme Personality of Godhead! All glories to Lord Gauracandra, the life and soul of His devotees, CC Antya 14.2)

Quotes-by-Srila-Prabhupada-on-Effect-of-Loving-God

Some weeks back, in an emotional state of mind, I, foolishly, sent the below SMS to Guru Maharaj.

`Guru Maharaj, I wanted to share that that I am having extra marital affair and that too with not one but many. I have fallen in love with Krishna, with Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, with Nityananad Prabhu, with Lord Jagannath, with you and with devotees like Shyamsundar Prabhuji and I have to only thank you for helping me establish this unique sambandh jnana with Lord, guru and devotees. I am most blessed to to have taken shelter in ISKCON and I promise that I will try my best to spread this love around.’

Reading it today I feel quite embarrassed at my childish attempt to use humour to drive home a simple point that inspite of my long list of disqualification, I am receiving a whole lot of unproportionally large volume of Love from so many channels around me.

As I take some baby steps in my spiritual journey, I find myself falling in love with an increasing number of devotees. And strangely, I observe that more the number of devotees I fall in love with, the more my love for Krishna increases automatically. When I make space for one more devotee in my heart, the heart acts on its own to make more space for Krishna and vice versa. Somehow the same very heart which could hardly accommodate only a few persons from family and friends circle ( looking back I think it only had one person in it, myself), now it seems be be getting bigger and bigger to make room for a large number of devotees, the quality of bonding and the intensity too has increased many times than what I ever increased in my material life.

In the past there was always a conscious and subconscious `give and take’ feeling, even with close friends. In fact the closer a person the higher used to be my expectations from him. Now, with devotees just the reverse is true. I don’t have any expectations from most of them and the only thing I long is to be in their association and, if possible, they speak about Krishna, but most of the time I am in a blissful state by just being near them.

Being a very introvert and dry person my list is still quite short and many a times the love is just one sided as the other devotee does not now how much love and respect I have for him. I wish I could name all but to name a few HH Gopala Krishna Goswami Maharaj, HG Rukmini Krishna Prabhu, HH Sacinanadan Maharaj, HG Karuna Prabhuji, Subir Prabhu, my dear friend Shyamsundar Prabhuji, HG Prasanto Mataji (what I would not give to have her as my mother), HH Giriraj Maharaj, HH Radha Govind Maharaj, HH Bhakti Vijnana Maharaj ( without even meeting Maharaj I feel so much connected to him), HG Radheshyam Prabhuji. I have fallen head over heels over HH Bhakti Charu Maharaj. And then all previous acharays, six Goswamis, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, Lord Nityanand, Sri Mayapur Dham, Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura, Lord Balram and Sri Radha & Krishna and Their associates, Tulasi Maharani ( another case of head over heels), ISKCON Punjabi Bagh temple, in fact all ISKCON temples, Vrindavan Deities, Damodar Lila, Govardhan Lila, Bhagavad Gita, Vaishnava bhajans, MVT, deep soulful kirtans, ISKCON, preaching,….. the list gets longer by each passing month.

Three special names I would like to mention in the end are hearing Krishna katha (how I wish if somehow I could dedicate my one ear 24 hours a day plugged in listening it), Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta (completely and madly head over heels) and Srila Prabhupada. I don’t know how and when my respect for Srila Prabhupada turned into love. It has primarily happened due to the causeless mercy of Guru Maharaj.

I fell in love with Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta after hearing it the first time itself, while not even knowing who is Chaitanya Mahaprabhu! I still remember that it was during my initial days at Punjabi Bagh temple, speaker was HG Swargapati Prabhuji. What he was reading and reciting was beyond any definition of sweetness known to me before. After prabhuji’s lecture got over I collected some courage and approached him and asked from which book he was reading these verses. Prabhuji replied me he was reading from Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta. I immediately went to the book store and asked for it. The Prabhuji in charge of the store Looked at me from head to toe and then politely advised me to buy the condensed version first. I brought it home and after few days I went to Sri Vrindavan Dhama, checked into the guest for the first time and finished more than quarter of the book, but somehow I never completed it. Then few months back after hearing `Rupa Siksha’ lecture recording by HH Radha Govind Maharaj I felt inspired to read it and from that day onwards I read a few verses almost daily. I love all three from the core of my heart.

I am copying the song `Thakura Vaisnava Pada by Srila Narottama Das Thakura below. Although I still remain judgmental about devotees and do not have any such feeling in my heart yet I pray to our guru parampara to kindly bless me that one day such feelings about devotees can blossom in my dry, and stone like hard, heart.

ṭhākura vaiṣṇava pada, avanīra susampada,
śuno bhāi hoiyā eka mana
āśraya loiyā bhaje, tāre kṛṣṇa nāhi tyaje,
āra saba more akāraṇa
(O brother, please hear my words with rapt attention. The lotus feet of the Vaisnavas are the most valuable treasure of this world. These Vaisnavas continually take shelter of Lord Krsna and worship Him. They never abandon their Lord. They are liberated. They are free from the cycle of birth and death.)

vaiṣṇava caraṇa jala, prema bhakti dite bol,
āra keho nahe balavanta
vaiṣṇava caraṇa reṇu, mastake bhūṣaṇa vinu,
āra nāhi bhūṣaṇera anta
(The water that has washed the lotus feet of the Vaisnavas bestows devotional service in pure love of God. Nothing else is as effective for attaining this divine love. I place dust from the lotus feet of the Vaisnavas upon my head. I wear no other ornament.)

tīrtha jala pavitra guṇe, likhiyāche purāṇe,
se saba bhaktira pravañcana
vaiṣṇavera pādodaka, sama nahe ei saba,
yāte hoy vāñchita pūraṇa
(The purifying power of the waters at the various holy places of pilgrimage is described in the Puranas, although this is something of a deceptive trick. Actually there is not anything as purifying as the water that has washed the lotus feet of the Vaisnavas. This water fulfills all desires.)

vaiṣṇava sańgete mana, ānandita anukṣaṇa,
sadā hoy kṛṣṇa parasańga
dīna narottama kānde, hiyā dhairya nāhi bāndhe
mora daśā keno hoilo bhańga
(Moment after moment my mind finds pleasure in the association of the Vaisnavas. I always seek out the company of those who are devoted to Lord Krsna. Poor-hearted Narottama dasa breaks down and cries. How has this fallen condition come upon me?)

I beg devotees to kindly share their experience on falling in love with devotees.

All glories to Sri Guru and Gauranga.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

How Dhama reciprocates with us !

Hare Krishna

24th October, 2014. Govardhan.

jaya jaya śrī-caitanya jaya nityānanda
jayādvaita-candra jaya gaura-bhakta-vṛnda

02.Govardhan-puja_2010

21st October : I was itching since morning to make a program to do Govardhan parikarma on Govardhan Puja day on 24th October but somehow the program was not get getting materialised. We, the whole family, came from Vrindavan 3 days back and they were reluctant to go again as its 10th class of my daughter and Priti, my wife, didn’t want more off from her coaching classes. Then, I was also told to spend some time at with kids on this weekend and my parents too will come to spend Diwali with us and will be home on 24th as well.

22nd Oct : I got a call from Guru Maharaj to pick a devotee from International airport coming from Russia at 3.30am and then to drop her at the domestic terminal at 9 am. I dropped the idea of going to Govardhan now as it will be too late to go, the desire to go, however, remained simmering in my heart.

23rd October : Diwali Day. I was still in two minds whether to go and how to go. In the morning I received a call from HG Sri Krishna Hari Prabhuji, who informed that he is taking a small group of devotees from Gurgaon to Govardhan next day morning. My desire to go got inflamed again. I called up devotees who were going next day with Prabhuji but they didn’t have any vacant seat in their car. Priti told me that if I am so keep to go then I can pick the devotee from the airport early morning and then she can drop her later, while I can leave for parikarma. Not sure whether to take the option, I messaged Shyamsundar Prabhuji seeking his advice. He strongly advised me against passing on service to even my wife, back to the square one.

24th October : Govardhan-Puja. I picked the devotee, a very very simple and intelligent devotee from Russia, serving TOVP, from the airport at 3.30am and then dropped her back at the domestic terminal at 9 am for her journey to Sri Mayapur Dhama. Later, coming back home from the airport I decided to go, even alone, for Govardhna Parikarma. Still, I pushed my parents to come with me and told my father that it is one of holiest day to go for Govardhan Parikarma. I also told them that they can do the parikarma in a riksha and as a added bonus they will stay in MVT in the most comfortable environment. After some cajoling my father agreed but mom refused flatly. She put a condition that she will only go if my wife comes along. Priti refused, as Samira, my daughter, had extra classes. A bit angry, I taunted my mother that she only wants Priti to come so that she has someone to talk to and gossip and then walked out of the room, thinking only the father and son duo will go today, leaving the ladies at home. As I walked out I heard my dad telling mom that think of it as `Shravan kumar’ taking his parents to Dhama yatra and that she should come, she refused again. Hearing my dad’s words suddenly something ticked inside my heart. Am I really a shravan Kumar kumar ? No ! I was forcing me mom so that my dad will have company in the riksha while I do the parikarma, walking. I also know that if I would have got a lift I would not have bothered to ask my parents. But his hearing his words had some effect on my dry heart. I returned back to the room and softly pleaded and then pushed my mother to come, promising to take care of them. Strangely, she agreed this time. Hari Bol !

As I came back in my room and told Priti that both mom and dad have agreed to come with me. I also shared how after hearing dad’s words my heart softened and how I am now thinking that let me take them to Govardhan yatra and I will go with them in the riksha and will not leave them to be on their own. I will also try to speak about some pastimes of the Lord on the way and this may be their only hope for getting mercy of the Lord. Priti asked what about her parents. I replied that they won’t agree to come with us but she can do the parikarma and then give the credit to her parents. After thinking for a few long seconds she agreed to my proposal ! A miracle seem to be taking place in my home. She said let’s drop the kids at her sister’s home but I pushed her that let’s take the kids too, emphasising that though it will definitely be very crowded there but then who else, if not us, will teach our kids to learn to take a little bit of austerity for some higher cause. She replied if the kids will agree to come on their own then she is fine. Again to my surprise , both the kids jumped at the idea and were ready to go. We were out of the house in next one hour, all prepared for Govardhana Parikarma. I also downloaded some lectures in Hindi for my parents on my phone and took the portable bluetooth speaker in the car for added effect, just in case.

As we started the journey, my mom started the general chit chat in the car. My father, generally quite tolerant, surprisingly, scolded her that we are going for a yatra and we should not gossip and should rather think about some good thoughts. Thinking that this is the right time I loudly said what a good idea ! let all of us hear about Govardhan Lila from a very senior sanyasi, HH Radha Govind Maharaj, that too in Hindi and then overriding my mom’s meek protests I switched the audio on. Within five minutes we were listening to the nector. To be honest, my mother went to sleep in few minutes but rest of the family members listened attentively. It was indeed pure nectar to my ears as I heard Maharaj recite the lila as if it has happened in front of his eyes.

64391125

We reached Govardhan after 4 pm. It was not as crowded as I had expected it to be. We met another family while parking our car and together we hired a big auto for the parikarma. We did the parikarma and within 15 minutes everyone was in the right mood. We also walked for some time when the soft ground near Govardhan came. I spoke a little as to why do we do the parikarma and what is the significance of this day. As we went back to our Auto I was thinking how nice it would have been to walk all the distance but because of my family I am forced to do the parikarma in an auto. I also realised that I should never look down on devotees who apparently are not going through a simple austerity, as they could be be helping someone else as part of their preaching. So whilst feeling sad at not being able to walk I made myself a promise never to look down upon anyone else though I don’t know how soon I may forget it. I continue my ride in the rear seat of the auto, chanting and looking at Giri Govardhan with gratitude in my heart and trying to fill my eyes with His beauty.

Suddenly I saw a familiar face, it was HH Mahanidhi Maharaj doing parikarma with few devotees, as his usual fast pace. I felt so blessed just being able to take his darshan. I almost jumped off the auto, told the auto driver to stop while I’d be back in few minutes. I ran back but could not find Maharaj any where though it was a straight road. Feeling sad but not willing to give up, I tried to think fresh and looked around. I then saw a small group of devotees going inside a narrow alley instead of staying on the main road. I ran inside that alley and after, what seemed a very long 1 minute of running. caught up with Maharaj. I paid by dandavat, maharaj looked at me with surprise as I introduce myself. Maharaj commented nice name after hearing my initiated name, then maharaj blessed me and gave a name card and carried on. Oh ! What a bliss I felt in heart. I was able to pay dandavat to a pure devotee of the Lord while doing parikarma. I thanked Sri Govardhan and Maharaj for this unexpected opportunity and came back to the auto to complete the rest of the parikarma.

We finally reached near Radha Kund where auto rikshas were not allowed, We walked the last 1 km or so. I also went to the Samadhi of Sri Ragunath Nath Goswami and paid my obeisances. We finally reached the glorious Radha kund, we all did small puja, sprinkled Her holy water on our heads. I thanked Sri Radha Kund for giving me this opportunity to come back. I promised myself that from next trips I will try to bring some new devotees and help them feel attached to dhama rather thinking only about my own self. This was my realisation for this trip.

We then hurriedly drove to Krishna Balaram temple so that I can let my parents to Deep dana. The road to the temple was heavy with traffic but thankfully we could drive till the temple gate, reaching outside the temple, I asked my family to go quickly go inside as it was already 8.30pm while I park the car. As I entered the temple after parking the car, the altar doors were closed. I took the diya from the devotees and did deep dana with doors closed and curtain drawn on Sri Damodar. But inside my heart I could see them all and offered my prayers to each of Them with a good degree of devotion and gratitude. As I turned around and to keep the diya I again saw HG Sri Krishna Hari Prabhuji doing deep dana in front of a new painting of Damodar in the temple complex. I took my son there and asked him to offer the deep dana copying prabhuji. I then met Prabhuji and I thanked him for calling me yesterday morning and filling my heart with the greed to come here. Prabhuji shared that they too did the parikarma in an auto but unlike us they stopped at various lila sthais and did katha and kirtana. I then asked my family members whether they were able to to do deep dana and they replied in affirmative, they could do the deep dana as Krishna balram altar was open and they could also offer the same to Damodar as well. I was most happy and most thankful to the Lord for making this a double. I had never thought that we will be able to reach here in time.

OfferinglampstoSriSriKrishnaBalaraminISKCONVrindavan19

Then I called up Vishnujiwan Prabhuji who not only handed me the keys for our room but also gave me the garland of Srimati Radharani. Oh! I was so happy to receive it, for me it was as if the Deities were pleased that I did this yatra for my parents and family and not so much for my own self as in previous times. I again and again thanked Them and promised that from next time I will try to bring devotees for darshan rather than rushing and thinking just my own self. I always used to hear and wonder how can Dhama reciprocate but today, after a day full of surprises and realisations, I could see that Dhama has reciprocated with me today and I can only bow my head in gratitude and promise to become a better devotee from here onwards.

Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura wrote this beautiful prayer called Mama Mana Mandire, which I am sharing as I pray that one day I too get some greed for Dhama and can serve it.

mama mana mandire raha niśi-din
kṛṣṇa murāri śrī kṛṣṇa murāri
(Please abide in the temple of my heart both day and night, O Krsna Murari, O Sri Krsna Murari!)

bhakti prīti mālā candan
tumi nio he nio cita-nandan
(Devotion, love, flower garlands, and sandalwood- please accept them, O Delighter of the Heart!)

jīvana maraṇa tava pūjā nivedan
sundara he mana-hārī
( In life or in death I worship You with these offerings, Beautiful One, O Enchanter of the Heart!)

eso nanda-kumār ār nanda-kumār
habe prema-pradīpe ārati tomār
(Come, son of Nanda, and then, O Son of Nanda, I will offer Your arati ceremony with the lamplight of my love.)

nayana jamunā jhare anibār
tomāra virahe giridhārī
(The waters of the Yamuna river cascade incessantly from my eyes in your separation, O Holder of Govardhana Hill!)

bandana gāne tava bajuk jīvana
kṛṣṇa murāri śrī kṛṣṇa murāri
(May I pass my life absorbed only in songs of Your praise, O Krsna Murari, Sri Krsna Murari!)

All glories to Sri Vrindavan Dham.
All glories to Sri Giri Govardhan.
All glories to Srila Prabhupada.