Tag Archives: sad

Srila Prabhupada is always with us

by

Hare Krishna.

It was 3rd June 2012, a Sunday. I went to the temple in the morning, attended Guru puja, listened to a cheerful  Bhagvatam class, had prasadam and  later completed most of my balance rounds sitting there. I felt very peaceful and fulfilled. I again wished if someone would have been there to sit with me and teach me something , anything. I had the whole day off. There was no one at home that day so no hurry to go back. I felt a little sad that I have all the time today and no one to teach my anything. I went to the temple shop and bought a copy of Brahma Samhita.

I don’t know what prompted me to buy Brahma Samhita. I had another copy at home and I had tried reading it but could not progress very far. I tried again today, sitting in the temple.  The initial verses were difficult to read but I continued. The initial 10 or so verses , specially their purports went all over my head as the English itself was very difficult to comprehend by my poor intelligence. From verse 11 to 28 it became better and from 29th onwards it became easy to understand and was very nice to the heart. I stopped at verse no 37 as the purport was quite long.

I came back home. I tried to reading it but could not concentrate. I slept and woke up at 4 pm and started reading it again. The next two hours proved to be one of the most productive of my life. The whole book seemed to so easy and full of delectable juice, it was as if someone is teaching me. Slowly, many topics like gopi’s paramour relationship with Krishna, explanation of Shambhu ( Siva) , Brahma, Ganesh, Durga all became clear. It was so simple yet profound. Then the last 5 verses were like cherries on top. I could not have asked for more simpler definition Bhava and then such nice explanation of Bhakti in the purport of verse no. 61.

For a strange reason I kept on looking at my watch while reading as I could not believe that all this information I am able to understand in such a short time.

I realised that day I am not alone in my spiritual journey, Srila Prabhupada is there with me, I only need to have a sincere desire in my heart. I thank all the senior devotees for giving me intelligence to realise it.

Srila Prabhupada ki Jaya.

Elephant’s bathing

by

Some days I really feel sad at my weak self control as I fall again and again from whatever baby steps I take in my sadhna Bhakti. Outside I may take bath twice a day but inside I am full of worst what material nature has to offer. And I do feel very sad after failing to control my mind. But what good is that atonement.

in SB 6.1.9 Pariksit Maharaja says: One may know that sinful activity is injurious for him because he actually sees that a criminal is punished by the government and rebuked by people in general and because he hears from scriptures and learned scholars that one is thrown into hellish conditions in the next life for committing sinful acts. Nevertheless, in spite of such knowledge, one is forced to commit sins again and again, even after performing acts of atonement. Therefore, what is the value of such atonement?

He further adds in 6.1.10: Sometimes one who is very alert so as not to commit sinful acts is victimized by sinful life again. I therefore consider this process of repeated sinning and atoning to be useless. It is like the bathing of an elephant, for an elephant cleanses itself by taking a full bath, but then throws dust over its head and body as soon as it returns to the land.

So this is it, my feeling guilty after committing a mistake, is like an elephant’s bath.  And I am so unfortunate that even after getting association of devotees I still can not control it and I continue to fall again and then again. Somedays I just feel helpless in front my mind, inspite of knowing what is good and what is not at all good for my sadhna bhakti.

I can only humbly pray to my spiritual master and to Srila Prabhupada to please give me strength so that I can control my mind; with my own strength and practice I can not reach anywhere in my spiritual journey, this is confirmed.

And I may be the best candidate for their mercy as they won’t get a more fallen person than me.

  • Posted by Giriraj Das on August 20,2013 at 8:12pm