Crying to Krishna.

Hare Krishna.

28th April, 2014,  Gurgaon.

 

 

Gaura-Kishora-Dasa-Babaji-Maharaja-22

 

For most of us, as we come into Krishna consciousness, the journey begins and we progress, at our own pace. A few days back HG Shyam Sundar Prabhu shared a quote by HH Radhanath. Maharaj said that we can see our progress in Krishna consciousness not by seeing last few years or months but by just seeing whether I have progressed in last 1 hour or half an hour, we can know how much we are progressing in Krishna consciousness.

Today morning when I looked back the last one hour I saw that I am indeed progressing but in the reverse direction. Most of the time I get impressed from the praise by merciful devotees or general feeling I get by looking at `karmis’ that I am very fortunate for having somehow taken the shelter of lotus feet of Lord Krishna and His devotees in the form of Srila Prabhupada and associating with devotees under ISKCON.

But as I looked back the last one hour today I realised that how my whole inner being is full of anarthas and all, if any, progress is just external, a show window, hiding a black and stone hard heart. A heart which is further quoted with thick viscous layers of envy, pride and complete attachment to material world.

The only difference is that today this diseased heart is crying. I wish to cry aloud to the Lord to save me. A  helpless call to my real father, my Guru and Krishna to save me as I find myself completely ill-equipped to overcome this external energy called `maya’. I am not able to control my mind, leave aside my mind, I can’t even control my tongue as to not to do prajalapa, not to criticise others, be gentle in interaction with non devotees but my acid covered, and sharp like a blade, tongue refuses to come under my control. I feel completely helpless.

I feel like running out in the open and cry to Krishna and cry and cry. The noose of `maya’ seems be wrapped tight around me neck that I feel like a puppet in her hands, sometimes she lets me loose like a toy and the moment I think I am free she pulls the noose and I realise my precarious position. Now, only Lord, or His devotees, can take pity on me and cut this noose else I am destined to remain a fake, someone who externally looks like a devotee but is completely hollow from inside.

I searched for a prayer and found this beautiful prayer from Sri Bhaktivinoda Thakura which reflected my pain, Gopinath Amar Upaya, surprisingly the picture I got for crying out to Lord on top also has Shri Gopinath’s in it !

gopīnāth, āmāra upāya nāi
tumi kṛpā kori’, āmāre loile,
saṁsāre uddhāra pāi

gopīnāth, porechi māyāra phere
dhana, dāra, suta, ghireche āmāre,
kāmete rekheche jeere

gopīnāth, mana je pāgala mora
nā māne śāsana, sadā acetana,
viṣaye ro ‘yeche ghora

gopināth, hāra je menechi āmi
aneka jatana, hoilo bifala,
ekhano bharasā tumi

gopīnāth, kemone hoibe gati
prabala indriya, bośī-bhūta mana,
nā chāre viṣaya-rati

gopīnāth, hṛdoye bosiyā mora
manake śamiyā, laho nija pāne,
ghucibe vipada ghora

gopīnāth, anātha dekhiyā more
tumi hṛṣīkeśa, hṛṣīka damiyā,
tāro ‘he saṁsṛti-ghore

gopīnāth, galāya legeche phāsa
kṛpā-asi dhori’, bandhana chediyā,
vinode koroho dāsa

 

TRANSLATION

O Gopinatha, I have no means of success, but if You take me, having bestowed your mercy upon me, then I will obtain deliverance from this world.

O Gopinatha, I have fallen into the perils of material illusion. Wealth, wife, and sons have surrounded me, and lust has wasted me away.

O Gopinatha, my mind is crazy and does not care for any authority. It is always senseless and has remained in the dark pit of worldly affairs.

O Gopinatha, I have accepted my defeat. All of my various endeavors were useless. Now You are the only hope.

O Gopinatha, how shall I make any advancement when my mind has come under the control of the powerful senses and does not abandon its attachment to materialism?

O Gopinatha, after sitting down in the core of my heart and subduing my mind, please wake me to You. In this way the horrible dangers of this world will disappear.

O Gopinatha, You are Hrsikesa, the Lord of the senses. Seeing me so helpless, please control these senses of mine and deliver me from this dark and perilous worldly existence.

O Gopinatha, the noose of materialism has become fixed around my neck. Taking up the sword of Your mercy and cutting this bondage, make this Bhaktivinoda Your humble servant.

 

I felt so helpless. I did not how to get out of this glum mood and pull myself to do something about it. Then, like a magic, I found this most beautiful quote by HH Mahanidhi Maharaj

you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or late – See more at: http://harekrishnaquotes.com/category/quotes-category/authors/d-iskcon-sannyasis/mahanidhi-swami/#sthash.Cb1E6DnG.dpuf
If you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or later. – See more at: http://harekrishnaquotes.com/category/quotes-category/authors/d-iskcon-sannyasis/mahanidhi-swami/#sthash.Cb1E6DnG.dpuf

If you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or later.

I found my way. Go to Vrindavan and cry at the samadhi of Srila Prabhupada and then cry and beg for the mercy from Mahaprabhu and from Srimati Radharani. Yes, I will go to Dhama this week itself and cry and cry my heart out. And at the bodily level I will take some immediate service at the local centre whatever I may get, I will beg them for it. I hope and pray that some merciful vaishanava will take pity on this shudra and give me some service.

Finally, I have to learn to depend on Krishna’s strength and not my own.

 

Quotes-by-Mahanidhi-Swami-on-Crying-in-Vrndavana

 

If you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or later. – See more at: http://harekrishnaquotes.com/category/quotes-category/authors/d-iskcon-sannyasis/mahanidhi-swami/#sthash.Cb1E6DnG.dpuf
If you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or later. – See more at: http://harekrishnaquotes.com/category/quotes-category/authors/d-iskcon-sannyasis/mahanidhi-swami/#sthash.Cb1E6DnG.dpuf
If you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong. So Vrndavana is Radharani’s land and if you cry sincerely, She is sure to reciprocate sooner or later. – See more at: http://harekrishnaquotes.com/category/quotes-category/authors/d-iskcon-sannyasis/mahanidhi-swami/#sthash.Cb1E6DnG.dpuf

All glories to the glorious Gaudia Vaishanava Pramapara.

All glories to Sri Guru and Gauranga.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

 

9 thoughts on “Crying to Krishna.

  1. Hare Krishna Prabhuji, Dandavat Pranam. Pls accept my humble obeisances. I must say what a heartful blog that can wrench anybody’s heart. However like you said: “If you are living in someone’s house and crying, they are bound to ask you what is wrong.” Is there something that is troubling you ’cause everything seems perfect….but then u know better and what better place than Vrindavan….I must say you are such a wonderful soul…to even realize there is something wrong….Pls help me also as I have so many impurities but need critics to point it out…pls pls help me..

  2. Hare Krishna Prabhuji,

    PAMHO, AGTSP.

    I was feeling very low, rather helpless, in front of various material situations which I face. What were earlier normal situations are now bewildering for me. I just felt like going out in the open and keep my face towards the sky, raise my arms and cry aloud for the Lord. I realised, only a little, how badly I am trapped here.

    Then, miraculously, after writing and posting the blog, I got a wonderful mailer from the office of HH Gopal Krishna Goswami Maharaj, which put me to ease. It was like a personal instruction from Maharaj for me. The timing and the topic of his mail was too much to be a mere coincidence.

    I am blessed to have a caring and affectionate friend like you.

    All glories to Guru Maharaj.

    An inner call to visit dhama right before I leave for an important trip next month is in right order to pray for my consciousness to remain clean.

    Your insignificant servant,

    Giriraj Das

  3. Hare Krishna Prabhuji,
    Dandvat Pranam,
    All Glories to Guru and Gauranga,
    All Glories to Srila Prabhupada.

    Thank you so very much for you post and realizations prabhu. I was just wondering how impure I am inside. Knowing that we are soul and we cant enjoy independently still all sort of worldly desires were sprouting since morning and it was becoming very difficult to control it. But Krishna is so mercy full he just sent a devotee to give me association and then I just read your post. I am feeling good but I am spiritually so hollow that still I am not feeling gratitude for Krishna deep from my heart. Please pray for me that I also some day develop a desire to cry out loudly for the lord and experience practically that this world is just a place of sufferings.

    Your aspiring servant,
    Ankit Yadav

  4. Hare Krishna Prabhuji,

    Please accept my humble obeisances.
    All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

    Thank you very much for your kind words and sharing your inner thoughts with us. We are all in the same boat, someone is sitting in the front of the boat and someone else is sitting in the rear end of the boat but the boat is same and hence we all face same situations.

    Sometimes I think that we receive such material miseries or realisations as a special mercy to ensure that we get internally convinced that this material world is only a place of misery and nothing else. Many a times I fall into illusion that now I have joined the process of bhakti yoga and if only I can make some adjustments and then the life will be great in the material world as well. This may be true for acharayas and senior devotees but not true for me at my current level.

    We all need to read scriptures, including Srila Prabhupada’s books, regularly to develop a distaste for this material world and gratitude for Krishna.

    Your insignificant servant,

    Giriraj Das

  5. Hare Krishna Prabhuji,
    Please accept my humble obeisances.
    All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

    This is unebelivable! This is exactly what I felt this morning, entirely hopeless and I searched the net to read topics which are similar to my feelings, but nothing intereseted me, I got up and read “Saisatcharitra”, felt very light and after then I checked my mails and lo I found this mail.
    I am weeping!! melted with Lord’s glory that he made me read what I wanted to.
    Very truly said surrender to the Almighty and you will experience eternal bliss which cannot be compared or measured to any wordly delights.
    Its Supreme!!

    Blessed are the ones who enjoy this bliss, let the merciful Lord grant this bliss to one and all and this world will be a wonderful palce to live in.

    Hare Krishna!

    Peace be to all

    Sucheta

    • Hare Krishna Mataji,

      Please accept my humble obeisances.
      All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

      Thank you for your mail and I feel blessed that this blog written by a shudra like me could give some solace to your agitated mind. The very purpose of writing this blog is to share our realisations among devotees and feel inspired from each other in our spiritual journey.

      Lord has indeed granted His bliss to everyone, we can all chant the Mahamantra and feel this bliss.

      Hare Kṛṣṇa Hare Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Hare Hare

      Hare Rāma Hare Rāma Rāma Rāma Hare Hare

      Lord also mercifully sends Vaishanavas Acharayas in this material world to show all of us the way back to Godhead.

      The problem lies within me as I rely on my own material intelligence and do not surrender to the Lord or His representatives.

      Your insignificant son and servant,

      Giriraj Das

  6. Hare Krishna Prabhuji,

    Please accept my humble obeisances.

    All glories to Srila Prabhupada. All glories to Guru and Gauranga.

    Thank you very much for this kind article for a fallen soul like me. Really, this article has showed my real face to me. I have so much pride and ego internally. But externally I showed myself as very humble devotee. It is exactly like a tiger under cow skin.

    I am very much interested to cry out loudly for the lord in helpless. Kindly give your association to me. So that I can also start to relish the pure and real Krishna Consciousness.

    Once again, thank you very much for such a wonderful article.

    Your Servant,
    Kamala Kesava Das

  7. Hare Krishna Prabhuji,
    This is such a coincidence I was just looking at the Krishna’s picture and started crying and felt that I just cry for name sake looking at Krishna and then next minute I am again into the worldly desires and soon I was just scrolling down and I saw this post. I just felt that it is written for me. I exactly feel how it is written by HH Mahanidhi Maharaj. I felt so good and could not stop crying reading the quotes.

    Thank you so much Prabhuji

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